yeah - i know that i am ranting. and yeah i know that i have a few beers in my blood. maybe i am an unbelieveablly guarded person. i don't know- but i hang out with people - and basically - there is no one who does it for me. i am not sure if it is me - that i am being picky - or if i am unexcepting - or my expectiations are too high - or if i am looking for that dream cowboy - - i really don't know. i am frustrated as all hell and it makes me really mad. because when i do find someone - someone i feel is safe enough for me to deal with -- i don't know - well - at the end of the day they go away - for one reason or another. and so - i start over again. i wonder if i went to a co-ed highschool if i would be any different... i don't know. maybe encorporate more male behavior - or understand the jist of their retardedness... i would not give up the all girl thing - but shit. boys suck - and they are retards - and i really don't care for them. they are gross. all parts of them. maybe if i was interested in hooking up with a jock - or a frat guy - or a hick -- well... no problem. hey - ya know - i could have a lot of dudes. i'm finding that painfully obvious. i don't want them. i really am not sure what i am looking for - except someone that i understand and someone who understands and accepts me -and is kinda cute. i don't know. i feel like i'm getting too old for this shit. a little board by the whole thing. it's actually pretty dumb.